Resistance, procrastination and all sorts of negative thoughts started to make its way forward because of the news that I was granted a solo show and needed to start working for it. Just like I mentioned it in my previous post - I expected it. I’ve been around myself for long enough to know when my own hell will break loose.
So I waited a bit. It’s been over a month since that post and I wanted to cancel my exhibition at least twice, observed thoughts about not having a clue about anything really and having huge urges to stuff myself with sweets and food so that I rendered myself incapable of doing anything until I digested all of that. And then I was “hungry” again. More torture. Oh yeah, I am very familiar with this pattern and have been through it for many times in different iterations and intensities. I eventually crawl back to my real self, stay there for a while and then slowly start falling back again.
I am beginning to think it’s not just the ordinary spiraling thing where we seem to be circling around the same things over and over again with just a wee bit difference in each “almost circle” but it has to do with the inability to really level up and change completely. Why don’t I forget about the old ways in the same way I immediately forget about the good resolutions, ideas and a-ha moments I have? This is the most crazy part! My tendency to grab onto all the negative things and forget about the good stuff. Oh boy, I really do need more practice in staying on the positive side :) At least I figured out some useful ways to ease my “suffering”:
Number one is the morning quick Tibetans session which is more about getting through the incredible resistance of actually doing it than anything else. It does feel good to stretch though. A lot.
Number two is my journaling practice which is about either just getting stuff out of my head or reflecting on my oracle card message. I love to “talk” to my guides and card oracles with the help of my notebook. Their guidance is always spot on and they do uplift me. I do separate meditation too but it can be either or both.
And number three is my daily sketchbook play. All of these don’t have an order to them but I do like to start with Tibetans to get my blood moving after my sleep. And then the other two/three just follow as they come.
Which brings me to sharing my daily pages with you in my notes section here. Well, I’ll start posting them as blog posts because notes have no real feedback and it’s a bit too confusing to have so many places to post and thus diluting everything. If I’m taking this place as my blog then that’s really the way to move forward.
Vienna, 16.-20.5.2024
I visited Vienna again, with my mom, to meet up with my dear friends from South Africa. I love spending time in Vienna and this time was no exception BUT there was this interesting feel of me not being fully present there. This was the first time that I actually noticed it because writing about it reminded me it’s a thing that I do a lot. Elena, my psychic friend (and healer and oracle and lots of other things) told me, I am getting things in order behind the scenes so to speak, but that I can tell my higher self to not do it in this way. It’s not really nice being somewhere fully especially if it’s vacation time! :) Lol. I wonder how many of us struggle with such a thing.
So yeah, this sums up my time till today.
June has a lot in store for me and I am a bit overwhelmed with all the goodies I have lined up but I will still move forward with everything I put on my plate because it is fun if I DECIDE it is.
I guess the biggest takeaway of this post is, that it really is all about what I tell to myself and how I respond to my thoughts. Not all of them are true or even real and it’s self love that needs to be evoked at the worst times to get out in the open again. It’s quite a tangible difference in being when I do this.
See you next week my dear Blog and my dear reader.
With much love,
Nina
You are doing so well to notice and honor your fears. Vienna with your Mom!
Thank you Nina for mirroring my own lethargic fight to keep on track and allow positive energies to win.
Love, Rea